Poet Gabrielle Calvocoressi conveys what it feels like to experience a reprieve from wanting to kill herself in The New Yorker‘s “Hammond B3 Organ Cistern.” She begins with the wonder: “The days I don’t want to kill myself / are extraordinary. Deep bass.” Calvocoressi is nearly at a loss for words: “There should be a word for it. / The days you wake up and do not want / to slit your throat.” Clearly, though, she finds them, unflinching in her descriptions of suicidal thoughts. She wants the world to celebrate with her on the days she does not experience this urge: “Come on, Everybody. / Say it with me nice and slow / no pills no cliff no brains onthe floor“
What Calvocoressi portrays is the visceral reality that erupts for a person who knows the severity of of suicidal urges and wakes to find “I did not / want to die that day.” Calvocoressi wonders, “Why don’t we talk about it? How good it feels.” In this extraordinary poem, Calvocoressi does.
Writing Prompt: Have you suffered from a serious illness that may feel different from one day to the next, such as severe depression? What does it feel like on the “good” days, the days your illness is improved or in remission? Can you relate to Calvocoressi’s exuberance for this state, the “deep bass,” the “leaping?” Write for 10 minutes.