Narrative Medicine Monday: Hammond B3 Organ Cistern

Poet Gabrielle Calvocoressi conveys what it feels like to experience a reprieve from wanting to kill herself in The New Yorker‘s “Hammond B3 Organ Cistern.” She begins with the wonder: “The days I don’t want to kill myself / are extraordinary. Deep bass.” Calvocoressi is nearly at a loss for words: “There should be a word for it. / The days you wake up and do not want / to slit your throat.” Clearly, though, she finds them, unflinching in her descriptions of suicidal thoughts. She wants the world to celebrate with her on the days she does not experience this urge: “Come on, Everybody. / Say it with me nice and slow / no pills no cliff no brains onthe floor

What Calvocoressi portrays is the visceral reality that erupts for a person who knows the severity of of suicidal urges and wakes to find “I did not / want to die that day.” Calvocoressi wonders, “Why don’t we talk about it? How good it feels.” In this extraordinary poem, Calvocoressi does.

Writing Prompt: Have you suffered from a serious illness that may feel different from one day to the next, such as severe depression? What does it feel like on the “good” days, the days your illness is improved or in remission? Can you relate to Calvocoressi’s exuberance for this state, the “deep bass,” the “leaping?” Write for 10 minutes.

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Narrative Medicine Monday: Out of the Straightjacket

In recent years the importance of physician burnout, depression and the high suicide rate among physicians has become more visible. The New York Times article “Taking Care of the Physician” notes that physicians are “approximately twice the relative risk of suicide compared to people in other professions” and aren’t adequately trained to deal with many of the stressors that being a medical provider entail: “how to deal with conflict, how to deal with negotiation, how to deal with the distress of patients”. We learn the science of medicine but don’t receive enough instruction on the skills that can lead to resiliency in an emotionally grueling profession.

Dr. Michael Weinstein bravely shares his own story of severe depression, subsequent treatment and the struggle he experienced as a surgeon who desperately needed help regarding his mental illness. Weinstein’s essay “Out of the Straitjacket” in the New England Journal of Medicine reveals how he became “profoundly depressed, delirious, and hopeless. He’d lost faith in treatment and in reasons to live.” He describes the brutal hours and culture of residency training and how he went on to become a trauma surgeon, shouldering the emotional toll that intense work can take: “We often make decisions in the face of uncertainty that deeply affect our patients’ lives. When things went wrong, I frequently blamed myself.” Weinstein illustrates the failure in the medical culture to address the frequency of burnout and depression in our profession: “I didn’t know how to talk to my coresidents or faculty about medical mistakes and the accompanying self-flagellation.” He “felt trapped in [his] work and worried that [he] would expose [his] shortcomings if [he] sought a leave or disclosed [his] feelings.” How can we change the stigma associated with such a prevalent scourge on our profession, on so many who suffer from mental illness in this world?

Recent studies on physician wellness point to the fact that “it’s more effective to make changes at the level of the institution, rather than just telling the doctors to shape up in the wellness department.” So many physicians “enter medical school deeply committed to the field, they come with the desire to be empathic and compassionate, if we just create a system that nurtures what they come with then we will have less burnout and higher quality care.” How can we best change our institutions, our culture, to promote wellness in those who care for our health?

Writing Prompt: Do you or a colleague suffer from burnout or depression? How has your institution helped address this issue? How has it failed in addressing this issue? As a patient, what are your thoughts about Dr. McClafferty’s statement in the New York Times article: “If you’re my physician, I want you to be in good shape mentally, physically and emotionally, so you can be really successful at helping me”? If you’ve personally suffered from depression, what stigma did you experience? What was most helpful, from individuals or from your workplace, for recovery? Write for 10 minutes.

If you are suffering from depression or burnout, there is help:

For Physicians: AMA’s Steps Forward

For Patients and Physicians: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

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