Writer Peggy Duffy’s flash nonfiction piece in the latest issue of Brevity, “On the Eve of My Mother’s Dying,” is a snapshot of her mother’s last days on hospice.
Duffy opens with the assertion that those who work in hospice “coordinate.” In my experience, both as a physician and as a family member, caring for those at the end of life, this verb rings true. The hospice people coordinate all the details of transport and durable medical equipment and adjustment of medications for comfort and, ultimately, Duffy realizes, “my mother is actively dying, and they strive to coordinate that too.”
Duffy’s father is upset they are not coaxing his wife into eating, despite her being unresponsive. The social worker explains to him “that unless my mother opens her eyes and asks for food, unless she can swallow, she cannot eat.” Duffy understandably struggles with her father’s resistance to accepting why they can’t give her mother water to drink: “Not long after I leave, he calls. Why won’t they give her water? She can’t swallow. What about on a teaspoon? You have to swallow even the tiniest amount of water. How can she survive without water? (Pause) She isn’t going to survive. I remind him she signed an advanced directive years ago when she was still lucid and knew what she was signing.”
Duffy is surprised at the stretching of time in the final days of her mother’s life: “I can’t work, can’t think, can’t sleep. I never knew dying could take so long.” If you’ve cared for a loved one on hospice, did you experience the same distortion of time as Duffy?
The piece ends with a touching, and surprising, kiss from Duffy’s mother: “Something long dormant stirs beneath my chest where my heart lies. I lay my head on her chest where her heart still beats.”
Writing Prompt: Have you had difficulty explaining any aspect of end of life care to a spouse, child or parent of a dying patient? Often loved ones have discussed clear wishes of what they would like done, and not done, when nearing the end of life. When it comes time to actually carry out actions according to these wishes though, this still can remain a painful process. Have you experienced this first hand? Write for 10 minutes.