A Turning

It has been a season for me. I remember when we got married our pastor talked to us about seasons of not just marriage, but also of life. The last two years have been one of these unexpected seasons. Facing the end of this year, I feel a turning, a shift, the wide open expanse of a new season. Struggling through the valley I have during the last two years, gratitude has taken on new meaning.

My youngest is well into toddlerhood, I’ve reached mid-career, mentoring and teaching and taking on new leadership positions at work. Part of it, I’m sure, is turning 40, the new comfort I have in my own skin, my decisions, my priorities. I have friendships that are true, my relationships are richer for the authenticity they now enjoy. I am planning more trips and solidifying dreams, in medicine, in writing, and at home.

Each year for many years, I’ve worked through Tsh Oxenreider’s alternative to resolutions. She has questions to both look back on the previous year and project forward into the next (now called 12 Months From Now, but I’ve used the older version for years.) As I look back this week on everything I wrote down in January 2018, I am aware that the gift at this time, in December, is much more than I dared hope for. May you know that whatever darkness you find yourself in, whatever hope has been lost, whatever stage consumes you, that there always is hope, there always comes a turning. For me, that time is now. Happy New Year.

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Free Write Friday: Resolution

She’s a goal setter, a rule keeper, a list maker. She pulls out the worksheets early each January, looks back, plans forward. There are questions about finances and fitness, family and work. She found this simple form years ago and it’s her favorite. Straightforward and practical, with New Year’s Eve reflections and promptings for concrete steps to be taken in the unblemished year to come.

Light streams in through the dining room windows, tainted with tiny handprints and a subtle layer of accumulated muck. The answers flow this year, falling out of her head and onto the page. 2016 was a crucible of sorts and it’s time to rise from the ashes. 

Midlife reached, she’s realizing the truth: that everyone hides in their cocoon of facades, that we share too little of ourselves, that authenticity is a rarity and an unexpected gift to those around you. Life isn’t just messy, it’s cruel at times. But the beauty, astounding magnificence, really, is in the sharing, in the connection that comes from journeying through the valleys together.

This all pours out, onto the page, infusing her goals, her plans, her lists. And what stands out: grace, boundaries, sleep, kindness, gratitude. So she starts with these as she binds herself to her tribe, stepping a little more boldly, a little more bruised, a lot more vulnerable into the new year. 

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