Narrative Medicine

Narrative Medicine Monday: Holdfast

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Poet and essayist Robin Beth Schaer writes of death and the necessity of touch in “Holdfast.” She starts by recognizing that we tend to leave the dead alone, they “are for morticians & butchers / to touch. Only a gloved hand. Even my son / will leave a grounded wren or bat alone…”

What is too fragile to hold on to? Schaer contends butterflies are “too fragile to hold / alive, just the brush of skin could rip / a wing.” She shares about a beloved friend who she never touched. They didn’t speak of her terminal illness or of “the days pierced by radiation.” There is a shrouding of her friend’s illness, a compartmentalization in an effort to protect and respect her wishes, but the result was an absence of physical connection.

Shaer concludes that “We should hold each other more / while we are still alive, even if it hurts.” She notes that baby monkeys prefer touch over a more caloric type of nourishment. I remember this study from my college psychology days. It speaks to that which we seem to know as young children, forget, and relearn over time: holding fast to each other is what may matter most in this world. Shaer, like many of us, finds herself agreeing with the baby monkeys: “I would choose to starve & hold the soft body.”

Writing Prompt: Have you had a friend or patient or loved one who was too ill or seemed to fragile to touch? Do you think touch can have a healing effect or that lack of touch can be detrimental? How have you seen this manifested in your life or a patient’s life? What are the different ways we hold on to each other, both literally and figuratively? Write for 10 minutes.

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Narrative Medicine

Narrative Medicine Monday: Who Heals the Healer?

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Dr. Huma Farid asks “Who Heals the Healer?” in her recent essay in JAMA, and her answer might surprise you. Farid describes weeping alongside her patient early in her obstetric training when she delivers a stillborn baby. The gravity of this experience affects Farid deeply as she reflects on human suffering, recognizing “that my work would encompass taking care of women at some of the worst times in their lives.”

As Farid progresses in her career, though, she realizes that she no longer has the same reaction, the same connection to the suffering of her patients: “My eyes dry, I wondered, when was the last time I had truly connected with a patient, empathized with her sorrow, and allowed myself to feel a sliver of her pain?”

Farid acknowledges that at that time she was also going through her own personal difficulties, and that despite this, she did her best to “remain empathetic and kind” to her patients: “I tried to give as much of myself as I could, but I felt like I had a finite, limited reserve of empathy.” Do you view empathy as a finite resource, or have you experienced a similar limited reserve to connect with your patients?

Farid’s commentary really resonated with me. It seems a simple statement to say doctors are human too, but it’s a reality we often forget. Most doctors are incredibly resilient and, even so, it only takes one personal life stressor to topple the precarious balance of mental and emotional rigors that come with being a physician in today’s healthcare environment. As Farid notes, the decline in empathy “may be driven by the demands of modern medicine and exacerbated by personal experiences.”

When I experienced my own significant personal life upheaval a few years ago, I, like Farid, “was still able to perform my clinical duties and to provide good patient care despite struggling to be empathic. However, studies have demonstrated that physician empathy improves both patient outcomes and patient satisfaction….” Ideally, for both the patient and physician’s sake, we would find ways to combat the decline in empathy that is an inherent byproduct of the current healthcare environment.

Ultimately, Farid determines that empathy “enables us to understand and connect with a patient’s perspective, an invaluable resource in an environment that has become increasingly polarized and rife with divisions.” Farid describes an interaction with a patient where she “mostly listened” and, in return, receives heartfelt thanks and hugs. Through that emotional and physical connection, Farid regains a piece of her “profoundly and imperfectly human” self. May we all find a way to move in that direction.

Writing Prompt: Farid wonders “what it meant for me that I had lost some ability to feel a patient’s pain.” If you’re a healthcare professional, have you lost some of that ability throughout your medical training or career? Think about a time you failed to have empathy for a patient’s suffering or, as a patient, that you felt your healthcare provider had little empathy for your pain. Alternatively, describe a time that your empathy has been “rekindled.” Write for 10 minutes.

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Writing

Mark

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I wrote the braided essay “Mark” a few years ago but never found the right home for it. On a bit of a whim, I submitted the flash piece to the 2019 EPIC Writing Contest and am so pleased it won Honorable Mention. Tonight, at a reception for the contest winners, I read the piece. A stranger came up to me right after, tears in his eyes, and expressed to me how much it meant to him, both because of his own history and that of his children. I won’t go into details, but was touched by his clear connection to the essay and told him I was grateful for sharing some of his own story with me.

As I walked back to my car, I realized: this is why I write, why I share. As a nonfiction writer, as a memoirist, as someone who writes about the raw issues of my life and of those in my life and work, I’ve struggled mightily this year with how much is appropriate to divulge, what stories should be shared with the larger world and which are written just for myself or my writing group or my children. What I’ve learned in recent years, though, is that the more we disclose, the more authentic we are with our stories, the closer we become to others. When I share my own struggles, my own failings, my own fears and hidden joys, people are compelled to open up regarding their own. Just like the stranger at this reading – there is comfort in camaraderie, in the recognition that we all struggle, we all have great challenges in life. Being completely authentic with others is therapeutic and connecting in a way I never imagined possible.

Though in this age of social media and superficiality and anonymous critiques, opening up about your vulnerabilities can be biting at best, crushing at worst. Knowing that creative nonfiction, poetry and memoir are in my writer’s blood, I’ll have to continue to wade through the murky waters of authenticity and exposure. A wholly unexpected interaction like I had tonight, though, makes me want to write more, share more, and connect more with others. That is, after all, what creating art and being part of humanity are all about.

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Narrative Medicine

Narrative Medicine Monday: Wernicke-Korsakoff

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Poet and medical student Sarah Shirley describes an evolving interaction with a patient in “Wernicke-Korsakoff.” The patient initially finds complaint with everything: “the too soft too hard bed, the lunch that came with only one spoon though clearly two spoons were required.” Shirley struggles to connect with the disgruntled patient, who clearly wants nothing to do with her as an intrusive medical student.

Throughout my medical training and career I’ve encountered patients, like in “Wernicke-Korsakoff,” where “everything is thrown back.” They were angry at their disease, angry at the medical providers, angry at the system, angry at the world. At times, I’ve been one of those patients myself. There’s no doubt health and illness affect our mood. Many of those who are suffering build a shell to cocoon themselves off from the damaging world. Often they are rightfully skeptical of a medical system that has many failings. Shirley finally breaks through to her patient in the end, after searching for the right connecting point. 

Writing Prompt: Think about a time you were sick. How did being ill affect your mood and interactions with others? Were you inclined to cling to others for support or did you find yourself “raging against the world?” Perhaps you experienced both. What about a time when you were caring for someone who was sick? Did they allow you to connect with them right away or was it a struggle? Write for 10 minutes.

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Narrative Medicine

Narrative Medicine Monday: New York Lungs

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In her poem, “New York Lungs,” medical student Slavena Salve Nissan writes of the intimacy of knowing a patient “underneath her skin fascia fat.”  Nissan notes how her beloved city left a mark on her patient’s lungs. She thinks about the people who loved her patient and how even they didn’t know that the patient looks “like a frida kahlo painting on the inside.”

Place is a central theme in this poem. I like the subtle imagery of the medical student and her patient breathing the same air, from the same city, in and out of their lungs. This commonality, too, connects them.  

As a medical provider, we experience intimacies with patients that are both strange and surreal. It is a great privilege that our patients allow us, for the purpose of diagnosis or treatment, to perform these intrusions: cutting into the skin, sampling cells from the cervix, looking into the ears, listening to personal stories, palpating the lymph nodes. Over time this can become routine to the medical practitioner, but I do still wonder, and hope I never lose keen curiosity, about the lives of my patients beyond the exam room. 

Writing Prompt: Reflect on the vulnerability between a patient and physician. Is it surprising that we can be so open and trusting with a near stranger? Think about such a time, perhaps a surgical procedure or mental illness or embarassing symptom, when you put your complete trust in your medical provider. What was that like? Write for 10 minutes. 

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Narrative Medicine

Narrative Medicine Monday: Falling Fifth

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Anesthesiologist and poet Audrey Schafer aruges that anesthesiology is actually an incredibly intimate medical specialty. In her poem, “Falling Fifth: The Neurosurgery Patient and the Anesthesiologist,” she tells NPR’s Sara Wong that her speciality is incorrectly viewed as more “knob-and-dial oriented than people-oriented.” Her poem outlines a poignant moment between her and a patient, hugging over “wires, bandages, the spaghetti of tubes, the upright side rail” in the sterility of the OR.

I think of the specialties that seemingly don’t interact as much with patients: radiology, pathology. I can see a familiarity that goes beyond even my most personal interactions with patients as a primary care physician. Radiologists see beyond a person’s skin, through their muscles, bones and vital organs. Pathologists meet a patient on a microscopic tissue level. I like how Schafer displays the connectedness between the anesthesiologist and patient: the physician serves as a trusted guide out of and back into consciousness. 

Writing Prompt: Have you ever had anesthesia? What was your experience both going under and coming out of a conscious state? Alternatively, are you in a medical speciality or type of profession that doesn’t traditionally interact much with people? Is there a component of your daily work that’s surprisingly intimate or keeps you connected to others? Write for 10 minutes. 

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