My first AWP conference was everything I thought it would be: overwhelming, inspiring, and engaging. At times I felt like hiding in a small dark room by myself, at others I was torn by all the panels and gatherings happening simultaneously, wishing I could somehow replicate myself so I could be in all places at once. I met and interacted with admired authors, poets, editors and other emerging writers. I left Portland exhausted and elated.

As an emerging writer who hasn’t had formal training, I didn’t have the same MFA reunion or tribe that other writer friends enjoyed, but I did benefit from a new cohort I now belong to: the AWP Writer to Writer Program. Diane Zinna runs this mentorship program, now in its tenth session, with contagious enthusiasm. I was able to meet Diane and my mentor in person at AWP, as well as other Writer to Writer alumni.

The panels I attended were varied and largely helpful. I learned about writing and teaching flash nonfiction, the perils and pitfalls of writing about real people, writing through trauma, managing parenthood and the writing life, and so much more. I was able to hear Cheryl Strayed and Colson Whitehead speak about the writing life and their craft and hear my own mentor Emily Maloney and writing friends Anne Liu Kellor and Natalie Singer share their work.

I applied for a Tin House intensive workshop on writing the very short essay with Melissa Febos, and and was thrilled to be accepted. An afternoon writing offsite with courageous and creative women was a highlight.

photo credit: India Downes-Le Guin

One of the biggest joys, and hurdles for me, of the week was sharing my own work at a paired reading. I read an essay that has not been shared publicly before and holds particular emotional weight. It was freeing to release this work out into the world and I’m grateful it was well received.

Writers are, by and large, a forgiving and authentic crowd. Though many, like me, are introverts, I was impressed that the feeling of holding space for each other infused the conference. I moved out of my own comfortable cocoon of anonymity by walking the book fair, approaching editors of presses and journals I admire, striking up a conversation with unsuspecting poet Jane Wong as I was walked by the Hedgebrook table (hopefully in a decidedly uncreepy way), and doing a public reading myself.

I tweeted some favorite quotes from the event, but wanted to share these pearls here as well:

“Be willing to dig through the layers of artifice to get to the deeper truth.” – Cheryl Strayed

“What is the purpose of art? To suggest potential realities or states of mind that would not otherwise suggest themselves.” -Richard Froude (a fellow physician!)

Jessica Wilbanks shares she learned “to trust my subconscious more than my intellect” during her writing process.

“Trust that isn’t absolute isn’t trust at all.” – Alison Kinney

“Living a trauma is living a trauma. Writing a trauma is a reconsideration, an attempt to capture yourself in the reconsideration.” – Alison Kinney

“The purpose of art is to lay bare the questions that have been hidden by the answers.” – James Baldwin

“I’ve learned that writing a book will not make you whole.” – Colson Whitehead

“It is a joy to be hidden and disaster not to be found.” – D.W. Winnicott

“Telling this story was worth more than my comfort.” – Melissa Febos

“Real people are more than the worst or best things they’ve done. Craft requires we honor a person’s complexity.” – Lacy M. Johnson

“Be rigorous ethically and in craft before you put your work out in the world. [When writing about real people] scrutinize your own intentions.” – Melissa Febos

So much of writing feels like a solitary pursuit, laced with overwhelming rejection. But, like I’ve experienced in medicine and motherhood and many other aspects of my life, finding a tribe, a cohort of passionate individuals to help support each other and share in community, is invaluable. Thanks, AWP 2019, for providing that space.