Ramblings

Free Write Friday: Low Tide

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We wait until morning, sip percolated coffee, nibble day-old donuts bought at the new gourmet shop adjacent to the ferry terminal. A friend saunters up from an adjacent campsite to let us know they’re heading down to the beach. “It’s low tide, right now!” Kids circle their way back to the campsite, wheels turning. They discard their helmets as we stroll to the rocky cliff.

A woman stands by a sign outlining the local sea life, pulls up her scuba gear, ready to search for urchins, float among the kelp.

We clamber down a few concrete steps, then cling to the rock face littered with barnacles, making our way to a sandy cove. A parent points out footprints: a second grader’s sneakers, a crab’s pointed tracks, the imprints of a dog’s paws padding across the compact sand.

A rock island is exposed, tide pools revealed. Green anemones open with neon fronds, swaying gently until startled into retreat. Bouquets of mussels jut out in clusters among mossy kelp. Limpets cling to the black rock, suction secured. We stop, we bend down to observe.

Two moms well versed in marine life point out the chitons, armed with a hardy shell of armor they remind me of turtles, of shields. There are always eight plates, predictable. One child shouts out, “Mom, come over here, it’s the biggest chiton in the world!” We moms give each other a knowing look: could be, but more likely a 7-year-old’s exaggeration. Instead, we find what she describes: a chiton as big as our hand but without a shell. “Maybe someone took its plates.” The thought makes us sad, a thief of the worst kind. We look it up later and, in fact, the creature is just as it was meant to be: the giant pacific gumboot chiton is without a hard exterior. An aberrancy of its kind in size and structure.

A few more from the group straggle, venture out to the ends of the fingery point in search of an elusive seal that pops its head momentarily up above the surf before diving back down again. My son has gathered too many mussel shells, iridescent shimmer calling to him like a siren, the abundance too much to contain his enthusiasm. “Here Mom, I found another one!” I convince him to choose a solitary shell to cherish as we make our way carefully among the slippery rocks back to shore.

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Free Write Friday: Girl Scouts

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We met in a Methodist church on a weekday afternoon. Recite the pledge, munch a snack, craft a project. We’d earn badges through field trips, skills, lessons. I was snack helper, clean up helper. We’d rotate through, sit in a circle on the beige carpet. Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and the other gold.

We took our sleeping bags to overnight camp, sang songs around the campfire. Kumbaya. I didn’t like the bugs, the forest air was foreign to my sheltered suburban self. I liked the novelty of it though.

I never was good at selling cookies. My dad retired young, couldn’t take them to work like the others. Too many other Girl Scouts in my neighborhood, we had to ration out the doors to knock on. Most people were nice enough to the awkward girl in the green vest but I wasn’t animated enough to make more than a pity sale. My mom, like me, an introvert and not wanting to be too pushy, didn’t help my failing cause. I wanted to be forward, learn the marketing skills, but I never did muster the ability to sell.

I remember traveling with my troop to the Peace Arch on the northern U.S. border, admiring a stylish girl with long braids and a green beret, souvenir pins stuck to her vest. What travels she’s made, what friends she’s met! I started collecting pins that day, not to trade but to keep: document the family road trip to Disneyland, the annual summers in Hawaii, the study abroad in France, the Mekong Delta, the crowded dusty streets of India and beyond.

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Free Write Friday: Campsite

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I like waking up in the tent, shadows from evergreen trees looming, voices from the adjacent campsite echoing as if through a tunnel, muffled and yet amplified. I took a nap, youngest child restless the night before, waking up in her crib every couple of hours whimpering, unable to articulate what was the matter. I sang to her from just above, hanging over the opening of the the Eurovan pop top, coaxing her back to sleep. “Shhhhhh,” I pleaded, “it’s sleepy time.” She’d suck her tiny thumb dutifully, nestle her chilled toes back under the blanket and fall into a temporary slumber.

We spent the morning on the trail, a 1.2 mile hike to the falls; unambitious I thought, but the way there all uphill elicited whining and necessitated cajoling and stops for snacks of peanut butter sandwiches since I couldn’t find the jelly. We carried the toddler in the hiking backpack, secured by straps, covered by sunshade. The other two discovered perfect walking sticks, treasured for a bit, then tossed aside in search of more appealing finds.

In the evening we ride our bikes around the campground, sampling different loops with unexplored hills and towering trees. Then we settle at the amphitheater for the kids’ ranger program. Khaki-clad speakers with wide brimmed hats talk about native wildlife, the history of the park, admonish about safety and recycling. We dissect owl pellets, we search for huckleberries and signs of animals scampering in the nearby bushes.

After s’mores we sit by the fire crackling. Does it cackle? The flames burst up from the pit, leaping to their destiny, unable to reach their desired height. Instead they are confined, sequestered. I look up to see the black outline of the trees, pine needles fuzzy against the dusky sky, bluing to black. The shadows are spooky and comforting. A paradox of sensibilities.

A gaggle of preteen girls stroll by our campsite, gossiping loudly. My husband remarks, ”That will be M soon.” A troupe, a pod. That’s how she’ll survive, how she’ll thrive or shrink, the passageway to adulthood. For now, this stage, she sleeps silently in the tent as we watch the embers flicker and pop, sip drinks, read books by the rising firelight.

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Free Write Friday: Beach Run

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I step onto the sand, fine and sinking under the weight of my upright frame. Feet imprint as sand spills over my running shoes, mesh fabric not immune to the elements. I hurry to where it is more compact, recent tide receding to give way to damp beach, level and accepting to the jogger.

A quarter mile down, I reach my stride, rushing Pacific to my left, chilly and predictable in the June morning fog. I like that the sound lures me to its wake, wary seagulls, dormant sand dollars waiting just ahead. The Pacific teases with its name, as if it would be peaceable, cooperative. Instead, it is a force to be adhered to, to acknowledge fully.

I nod at other joggers as we pass, feet wet, gait off from the usual city asphalt run. I don’t wear headphones, don’t rush my cadence. Running on the beach is a gift to the senses, to the muscles, sinewy body substance aligned with nature.

Ridges appear from waves past, uneven ground bumpy beneath my feet. Shallow water from recent tides remains in places. I’m used to hopping over puddles, formed after a midnight Seattle rain. But this is different, diffuse, a slight impediment, a refreshing coolness.

I pump my arms, lift my legs, admire the burn of the muscles, the arc of the tree line in the distance, knobby evergreens gesturing to the sky. At a mile and a half I turn, make my way back down the coastline. Salty sea air igniting my lungs, the gentle cushion of compact sand accepting my footprints, my mark as I travel back from where I came.

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Fluidity

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I was camping last week in the glorious San Juan Islands and realized I wouldn’t be able to finish my regular Free Write Friday post since I was, blessedly, without any WiFi connection or phone reception for several days. Our family returned late Sunday night and, after four days of swimming, kayaking, exploring and sitting around the campfire, I also realized that mountains of laundry and back-to-school prep would take precedence over my usual Narrative Medicine Monday post. So I’m letting these goals lapse, like my hope to read any of my book club book (The Glass Castle, in case you were wondering) this past weekend. 

I’m approaching a year of blogging and initially chose a biweekly schedule of narrative medicine and free write posts somewhat arbitrarily, knowing that it would keep me accountable to have a set schedule. It’s been good for my writing and my overall well-being to write regularly and press publish even when my work isn’t completely polished. At this juncture, I’m giving myself a pass to forego a post here and there when on vacation or at a conference or finishing another piece of work. 

This fall I’ve signed up to take a poetry course and I’m actively pursuing a home for my nonfiction book. Blogging has been a salve, a selfish pursuit of craft and vulnerability. I’m not looking to give it up, but I am ready to give it more fluidity. 

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Free Write Friday: Camping

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We move by the light of the skies. Time untethered to seconds, minutes, hours. 

Shadows cast onto nylon tents, faded grays and greens meant to blend into earthy surroundings. Toothpicks of trees stretch heavenward, branches and bark punctuating a pale sky. Bikes laid flat on their sides, like fallen dominoes, line the campsite. Brightly colored helmets are scattered asunder. 

They grab their bikes and pump legs up the hill to the playground nestled in the trees. They twirl and slide, climb and spin, dust rising underfoot. Teeth bared, faces upturned with glee, taut with playful exertion.

They return to home base, tumble in the dust, twist in the hammock, balance on the yellow slack line situated between two sturdy tree trunks. Footprints of sneakers and toddler Crocs pepper the campsite. Dirty feet, caked with dust, the reminder of an earth long forgotten by more bourgeois days spent indoors: at school, at work, at homes walled off from such grime. Here, we can’t get our feet clean, no matter a 3 minute token shower, no matter a towel wiping down, no matter a dip in the cold ringing canal, uneven stones and oyster shells underfoot. Still the dark mark of filth between toes marks us. 

Down at the water they zig-zag across the rocky beach, search for colorful stones, treasures of abandoned sea creature skeletons, slimy seaweed. Our backs align straight in the kayak as we glide through the seafoam green toward the hazy hills beyond. A little one dips an appendage or two in the water, leaning from the front unexpectedly as I struggle to stay balanced and centered on the stand up paddle board. 

A burn ban has a dampening effect; we gather around the citronella candle as the skylight fades, skin graying to ashen. Headlamps alight, artificial and glaring. Canvas camp chairs unfold around the would-be campfire. It’s too dark and we succumb to the arc of the heavenly bodies, one seceding as the other takes reign in the sky. 

Camping is a children’s glory: timetable discarded, dirt embraced, leisure activities and food prevail unencumbered. They chase each other through the brambles, swing gleeful in the hammock, unearth large stones to discover tiny crabs frittering sideways, eager to find a new hiding place. Grime accumulates under their fingernails like dust clinging to the mantle at home. It marks them unconcerned, free from the shackles of the modern urban childhood of after school activities and rationed screen time. 

We wake to birds rustling, charcoal light reversing gray to green to sky. I arise despite myself, soak in the soreness of my bones. The light, the earthen air call me to get up, get out, move myself into the surroundings I was meant to inhabit.

We move by the light of the skies. Time untethered to seconds, minutes, hours. 

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