Narrative Medicine Monday: Poof

This elegy by poet Amy Gerstler was selected by this month’s Poem-a-Day curator, Maggie Smith. I wrote about how Smith’s poem “Good Bones” hangs on a nondescript bulletin board in our clinic, though I never did figure out who posted it there. Each morning this month, I’ve been eager to see what poem Smith selects.

It’s no surprise that I think poetry provides much needed perspective to the world of medicine, and Gerstler’s “Poof” is no exception. Gerstler begins with a small bag of ashes on her lap, a gift from her late friend’s family. She recalls the service, the details of “staring at rows of docked boats” and the woman’s “impossibly handsome son.”

Gerstler speaks directly to her old friend, remembering that “You were the pretty one. / In middle school I lived on Diet Coke and / your sexual reconnaissance reports.” She imagines an alternative storyline where “your father never hits / you or calls you a whore.” Through Gerstler’s memories, both real and imagined, we get a glimpse of their bond, of the woman she, and this world, lost, even though we never learn her name, her vocation. (Why is it that these are the first things we ask? Always: What’s your name? What do you do?)

Gerstler gives us a remembrance that is more: a cinematic illumination of who this woman was: “You still / reveal the esoteric mysteries of tampons. You / still learn Farsi and French from boyfriends / as your life ignites.”

I like that Gerstler considers alternate storylines of their history together. Our formative years can be like this, wondering what different versions of us might transpire. I imagine (and, reaching middle age myself, have already succumbed to such reveries) our later years might also be prone to wondering what other tributaries of life paths might exist in the universe.

Ultimately, we learn that their lifelong relationship remains much as it is was in their adolescence: “I’m still lagging behind, barking up all / the wrong trees, whipping out my scimitar far / in advance of what the occasion demands.” Gerstler’s tender flashes of moments between the two is a tribute not only to her late friend, but also for all of us who are lucky enough to have kept company with cherished friends over the decades.

Writing Prompt: Think of a person (or patient, if you’re a medical provider) important to you who was suddenly gone. Write them an elegy in second person, or, alternatively, a letter. What are the memories, the moments, that stand out to you? Did this person vanish, as they did for Gerstler, with a “poof,” or would you use a different way of describing their absence from your life? Alternatively, consider writing an elegy or a letter to a long-time friend or patient who is still alive. Write for 10 minutes.

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Narrative Medicine Monday: The Fall of Icarus & Musee des Beaux Arts

I’m just finishing up a wonderful poetry course taught by Michelle Penaloza, and recently explored ekphrastic poetry. These are poems written in response to a piece of art. She had us read two different poems written about Brueghel’s “Landscape with the Fall of Icarus.”

I found the poem by W.H. Auden relates to medicine and illness in a way, a commentary on how suffering exists in the world while the rest of life goes on. Auden observes how well the “old Masters” understood suffering, “how it takes place / While someone else is eating or opening a window or just walking dully along.” For people who are struggling with illness, especially chronic illness, this normalcy and indifference of the rest of the world can seem almost as an affront. When dealing with a difficult diagnosis, it can be painful to see the world advance as it always has, even though it must. In Icarus’ case, Auden notes that “the expensive delicate ship that must have seen / Something amazing … / Had somewhere to get to and sailed calmly on.”

Writing Prompt: Consider writing your own ekphrastic poem or free write in response to Breughel’s “The Fall of Icarus.” What do you notice about the painting and how might you expand on its meaning? If you’re a medical provider, have you seen others suffering but, for whatever reason, had to move “calmly on?” Do you think medical training or the medical system contributes to this type of response? If so, how? As a patient, have you experienced an illness or suffering while the rest of the world goes on, unaware? How did that make you feel? Write for 10 minutes.

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Narrative Medicine Monday: Burnout in Healthcare

I’ve wanted to attend Columbia’s Narrative Medicine workshops for years. Life finally aligned to make that possible this past weekend as I joined professionals from different disciplines gathered to address “Burnout in Health Care: The Need for Narrative.” As a wellness champion for my physician group, this year’s topic was particularly pertinent to my work and practice.

The conference consisted of lectures from leaders in the field of narrative medicine alternating with small group breakout sessions. I was fortunate enough to have Dr. Rita Charon, who inaugurated the field of narrative medicine, facilitate two of my group’s sessions, which consisted of close reading and reflective writing and sharing. This format allows for in depth discussion with medical and humanities professionals, as well as time for introspection about how best to expand on learned concepts and practices when we return home.

Several takeaways for me:

Narrative can be used to address many issues in healthcare, burnout among them. I’ve been facilitating a Literature & Medicine program for my own physician group, and have taught narrative medicine small group sessions to resident physicians, but am inspired to do more of this work to expand the reach to medical professionals and patients. Dr. Charon encouraged us to disseminate the skills deepened through the humanities, that these are what’s missing from a health care system that has become depersonalized. Skills learned through narrative medicine can improve team cohesion, address moral injury and bias.

Writer Nellie Herman offered Viktor Frankel’s words: the primary force of an individual is to find meaning in life. Herman showed us how writing can help us find that meaning, giving shape to our experiences, our memories. Harnessing creativity can be particularly important for those of us who experience moral injury because “when we write, we externalize what is inside us.” Through writing and sharing, we’re making a commitment to something, a raw, less mediated version of events. Through this vulnerability we connect to others; though difficult, that’s what makes it valuable.

Dr. Kelley Skeff approaches burnout and narrative from a physician educator’s perspective. It is not lost on anyone who has been a medical resident or trained them that “we have trained people to take care of patients, even if it kills them. We have trained people to keep quiet.” Skeff offers us this quote from Richard Gunderman: “Professional burnout is the sum total of hundreds and thousands of tiny betrayals of purpose, each one so minute that it hardly attracts notice.” He implores us to combat the code of silence and ask ourselves and each other: What’s distressing you?

Maura Spiegel contends that “narrative language can proliferate meaning.” Spiegel used film clips to show how we can gain access to our own experience. In watching a film, we’re not called upon to respond, but we are often running our own parallel stories along with the movie. Spiegel showed clips from the movies “Moonlight,” “Ikiru,” and “Philadelphia,” and the documentary “The Waiting Room.” In that final clip we saw a young doctor run a code in the Emergency Room where a teenage boy dies. He then is tasked with telling the family the devastating news. He seeks out support from his colleagues on how to do this. Spiegel notes a quote from Jonathan Shay: “Recovery happens only in community.”

I was bolstered to hear about he the work of Craig Irvine and Dr. Deepu Gowda, who discussed how to create a culture for narrative work, both in academic institutions and in clinics. Dr. Gowda explored using narrative medicine sessions with the entire medical team (including nursing staff, administrators, physicians) and found improved teamwork, collaboration, and communication. Both suggested building a team of people interested in narrative work, be they art historians, philosophers, writers, physicians, or psychologists.

More than anything, this workshop churned up ideas and inspired methods that could be used at my own workplace to use narrative work to address burnout. I came away encouraged and connected to colleagues who are interested in the same questions and in addressing the daunting problem we face in our current health care system. Ultimately, we want to “allow voices to be heard, and address suffering, not only of patients but also of medical providers.” This work is challenging, but necessary. As Tavis Apramian noted in the final lecture of the conference, “the meaning that we draw from other people is the reason to keep going.” That it is. I hope to continue learning about this important work and am grateful for the faculty at Columbia who inspire tributaries (or rhizomes!) of narrative and creativity throughout the medical world.

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AWP Writer to Writer

Thrilled to share I’ve been selected to be a part of the AWP Writer to Writer Mentorship Program. The program is designed to pair emerging writers with experienced authors. I’ll be working one-on-one with author Emily Maloney. I’m very excited Emily chose to work with me and help me hone my craft, explore the writing life, guide me in submissions and applications, and navigate the arduous path of attempting to publish my almost-finished manuscript. This program is a gift to emerging writers and is serendipitous timing for me. The annual AWP Conference is in Portland, Oregon this year, just a short drive south from Seattle. It will be my first time at the conference, and I’m looking forward to connecting with my mentor in person, enjoying the many lectures and programs offered by AWP, and even do an offsite reading of my own work. I’m grateful to AWP for the opportunity to expand my writing skills and connect with an experienced mentor. Also looking forward to collaborating with my cohort of mentees and the broader Writer to Writer community. Writing often feels like a solitary pursuit, and it is fraught with recurrent rejection. It’s nice to find acceptance, affirmation and encouragement through mentorship and a cohort of exceptional emerging writers.

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Narrative Medicine Monday: Ikiru

Today’s Narrative Medicine post highlights a first: a movie. As part of preparation for this week’s Columbia Narrative Medicine Workshop, I watched a 1952 Japanese film, Ikiru. This movie, directed by Akira Kurosawa, outlines the life and death of a man with end stage cancer.

I happen to also be facilitating a Literature & Medicine gathering this week, where the topic is “Confronting Mortality.” In it, we are reading Tolstoy’s novella “The Death of Ivan Ilyich,” which similarly shows a man facing a terminal illness and wrestling with the meaning of his life and the nature of his painful death.

In Ikiru the protagonist, Mr. Watanabe, has not missed a day of work in 30 years at the same tedious government job. The narrator notes that “he’s only killing time, he’s never actually lived.”

I’m certainly not a movie critic, but several things stood out to me, looking at this film through a narrative medicine lens. First, his physicians insist on withholding the terminal nature of Mr. Watanabe’s illness, stating it’s a “mild ulcer” only, even when Watanabe begs them for the truth. This scene reminded me of a panel on cultural issues in bioethics I attended many years ago. On the panel was a bioethicist from Japan, and he explained the cultural influence of withholding the true prognosis or even diagnosis of an illness from a loved one; that a physician might deliver a terminal diagnosis to a patient’s family member rather than to the patient themself.

We get flashbacks in the movie to understand the central character more. His wife died when his son was young and he never remarried. Although they live together still, Watanabe and his son have a difficult relationship; they struggle to really communicate and Watanabe in fact is never able, despite several efforts, to actually confide his diagnosis and angst to his son.

Mr. Watanabe comes across a stranger who he asks to show him “how to live” and they gamble and dance and drink, but ultimately he finds little lasting pleasure in these endeavors.

The central character then turns to an old colleague, a young woman, trying to decipher her vitality, her zest for living. Through this interaction, he resolves to get a park built for the community. In the end he succeeds, battling the bureaucracy he was a part of himself for decades. It seems the completion of the park gives the dying man some semblance of peace, a legacy solidified, which produces the meaning he was struggling to find.

Writing Prompt: At one point in the film, Watanabe tells a colleague “I can’t afford to hate people. I haven’t got that kind of time.” What are the different ways you’ve seen patients who are terminally ill react to facing their limited time? Did they give up hate? Or something else? In Mark Doty’s poem “Brilliance” the patient initially gives up investing in anything he can’t finish. Why do you think Watanabe decided that the playground would be his last project, his last investment in what little energy and time remained? Write for 10 minutes.

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