Published: Timeline

I’ve tried to write a piece like Timeline several times. It’s simply a chronicle of my typical work day, but, in the past, I never was able to get it just right. It didn’t flow sufficiently, wasn’t a clear reflection of the exhaustion I feel at the end of the day. 

When I discovered Pulse’s “More Voices” column theme this month was “Stress and Burnout,” I felt compelled to finish this piece for submission. It was initially much longer, but I think the confines of the short word count (less than 400) was helpful in honing it to only the necessities. Previous versions of this essay were written in first person or third person. Second person, I’ve discovered, suits the purpose of the piece. My goal is to place the reader in the shoes of the primary care physician, feel the weight of her day, the exhaustion inherent in the constant churn of a general practitioner’s practice. I hope this piece provides a snapshot of a day-in-the-life of a family physician, and evokes a thoughtful reflection on the state of our health care system and the very real crisis of physician burnout. 

I’m grateful to Pulse for publishing Timeline and for their regular promotion of issues relevant to patients and medical providers through narrative medicine poetry and prose.

Writing prompt: When do you feel most stressed at work? When do you feel energized? Have you witnessed signs of burnout in your colleagues or your own medical provider? List your own timeline of a typical workday. How do you feel when you read it back? Write for 10 minutes. 

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Free Write Friday: Relics


I’ve pulled them from the attic before, stored them in the basement closet. Now the youngest is standing, feeding herself, almost one. She doesn’t need the propping, the overhead entertainment. She’s outgrown the bedside crib, the Jumperoo, the molded foam seat that kept her back upright.

The equipment is garish or cutesy. It’s plastic and bright. It’s overwhelmed our home, fixtures that fade into the landscape, the background of a cluttered family environment. Still, it’s hard to say goodbye. 

I know it all needs to be tossed, given away. After three babies, or more since many were hand-me-downs, the stuff is all worn, outdated. I see the new moms today with sleek strollers that keep the baby situated as if sitting on a dais, the stylish bouncers that blend into a post-modern home. Our items are now obsolete in function and style. One of our old baby-propping cushions has been recalled for safety concerns. There’s no reason to keep these things around. 

I remember my oldest baby, now in kindergarten, loving the bouncer, thick legs pumping, broad smile punctuated by a high squeal of delight. Her wispy infant hair swaying with the movement like thick reeds of seaweed undulating with the tide. 

I remember my middle baby, he didn’t like to be confined; any seat with openings for his legs was too constricting. Instead he squealed for release, wouldn’t sit down even in his high chair, ate his meals standing on the floor or on our laps. 

I remember my youngest baby, how we couldn’t find one leg of the baby swing when we pulled it from the attic, rendering it useless. We borrowed another one whose motion was too gentle to soothe her squeaking cries. Eventually we gave up on the swing altogether. We finally found the missing leg long after she was able to sit up, roll over, stand on her own. We disposed of the swing, no longer needed. 

I gather the rest of the items slowly, sequentially, as they expire from their usefulness. I contemplate the memories held within with each passing on. There’s a sentimentality to these baby relics, covered with slobber, patted with the chubby hands of three active babes over the years. 

As I sort through, I wonder what the contraptions will be like when my babies have babies; how they’ll differ, how they’ll tap into the enduring infant affinity for jumping and rocking, squeezing and swinging.

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Narrative Medicine Monday: The Last Heartbeat

Cortney Davis’ “The Last Heartbeat” explores her competing identities as daughter and nurse at her dying mother’s bedside. Davis opens the poem as she holds her mother’s hand, counting her last heartbeats, witnessing her last breath. She ends with greater questions of life and soul as she walks with a friend through a cemetery.

Writing Prompt: If you’ve been at the bedside of a loved one as they died, what do you remember most? What have you forgotten? What about at the bedside of a terminal patient? Did this experience prompt greater questions about the soul? Write for 10 minutes.

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Free Write Friday: Waiting Room


It could be a doctor’s office or a therapist’s office or masseuse’s office or dentist’s office. Everyone rushing in, stops suddenly. This place is only meant for halting. It’s a purgatory of sorts. No one makes eye contact. You could be here for a tooth extraction, a horrid cold, a spasming back muscle, a debilitating anxiety that usually keeps you holed up at home. You don’t want to assume why others are here, so you ignore each other. 

Looking around, there’s a water cooler, an assortment of tea bags set out on the table: peppermint, earl grey, African red bush. The best flavors are depleted, the black tea bags overflow. It’s silent, save for the buzzing of the fluorescent lights overhead, plastic rectangular panels alternating with popcorn ceiling. 

A waning lamp sits on a corner table, the time on the small clock is wrong and it’s aggravating. Shouldn’t a waiting room of all places keep correct time? A laminated wood coffee table is centrally located with magazines stacked too neatly. Who keeps them all so organized, so appealingly kept? Choosing a magazine is like a Rorschach test, wondering if others will judge the decision, if you can live with it yourself. The intellectual rigor of The Economist or the gossipy superficiality of People? The organizational practicality of Real Simple or the envy-inducing travelogues of Condé Nast? Maybe you’ll just scroll, head down on your phone, where you can maintain anonymity.

You sit too straight backed on the worn leather couch, waiting. You should slouch back, relax. It’s increasingly challenging to sit in silence, in stillness, in this incessantly rushing world. You distractedly peek out of the corner of your eye. The wide leaves of the adjacent plant are drooping, yearning for a drink of water, clearly neglected. It makes you wonder at the reliability of this place; shouldn’t plants be tended to just as people are? You guiltily realize, your own office plants are just as wanting. 

Someone opens the door, a stocky middle-aged man. You don’t look at him directly but glance up through your lashes just a moment, long enough to take him in. He’s calculating, surveying the room, deciding if he should grab tea, a magazine, where he should sit. He falters, then grabs a Time magazine. You try not to judge, but you do. He must be serious. But when he sits down, he takes out his phone, scrolling through intently, waiting for his turn. 

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Upside Down


I first heard about the EPIC Group Writers at an annual writing conference held in Edmonds, Washington called Write on the Sound.  EPIC hosts classes and gatherings for writers and I’ve attended a few of their excellent weekly writer groups. I’m so pleased to announce my piece “Upside Down” won Honorable Mention in the prose category of their 2017 Writing Contest.

This essay, about my first pregnancy, subsequent c-section and early complications following my daughter’s birth, is especially meaningful to me. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my foray into regular writing coincided with me becoming a mother. There’s a clarity the chaos of motherhood brings. My time, attention, emotions are pressured; the refining aspects of motherhood bring into focus what is important. Writing as a vocation and creative outlet has emerged as a clear necessity. I’m grateful for the revealing nature of the disruption. Ultimately, that’s what “Upside Down” is about. 

Many thanks to EPIC Writers for honoring this piece and also for the support and service they provide to the local writing community.  

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Narrative Medicine Monday: How We Wrestle Is Who We Are

Writer Brian Doyle’s son is unexpectedly born with a heart defect. Doyle reflects, a decade later,  about his memory of this diagnosis and subsequent surgeries in “How We Wrestle Is Who We Are.” He describes the heartbreaking clarity of that time, “thinking that his operations would either work or not and he would either live or die.” Faced with the potentially catastrophic outcomes of the situation, Doyle also asks himself some difficult, honest, heartrending questions. Do you agree with Doyle’s assertion that “what we want to be is never what we are?”

Writing Prompt: Consider a time when a loved one or patient was gravely ill. What thoughts and questions did you wrestle with? Consider writing a letter, as if to a friend or to yourself, about your struggle. Write for 10 minutes.

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Free Write Friday: Night Out


You invite an old friend, a friend from high school, one who you’ve recently reconnected with because of the kinds of things that bring people together in middle age, when life is not as polished, but laughs are more appreciated, tears are more warranted. The venue is near your old college alma mater. Neither of you partied much at the time, and now, twenty years later, you’re even more out of touch with where you should go to enjoy a drink together before a concert.

So you meet up at an old haunt, a place college boyfriends frequented to play shuffleboard, drink beer, eat bad food late at night. You laugh together, but there’s also a weightiness to the night out, the kind that middle age mothers can’t escape. You both have children at home, professional jobs to keep, mortgages to pay, the worries of a changing world order, of elderly parents, of home maintenance and friends in distress. So it’s hard to let go, even in this place of millennials, of libations, of inebriation and escape. 

You drive to the venue up the street, a remodeled theater. You think the last time you were here it was a movie theater. You were a teenager and your boyfriend took you to see Titanic. You had a poster of Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet in your room at the time. Or maybe it was Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes. You were so young. The crowd here today is old, unpolished. You feel comfortable. The singer is thin and taller than you expected. She sings in melancholy tones of melancholy topics: love and loss and loneliness. You stand, sway to the beat. You like the darkness and the warmth of being so close to so many people who aren’t really aware of you; the mutual anonymity and perplexing intimacy of a crowd. The singer strums her guitar, your feet ache in a satisfying way. 

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Published: Nine Lives


I’m thrilled to announce my essay “Fired” appears in a new book, Nine Lives: A Life in Ten Minutes Anthologyforthcoming from Chop Suey Books Books in June. Valley Haggard, of Life in 10 Minutes, is the mastermind and editor behind this exciting project. I can’t wait to get my hands on this compilation! You can purchase your own copy of Nine Lives, which is made up of short essays that follow the “ages and stages of life” online on June 14 from Chop Suey Books.

My piece that appears in this book highlights a moment I shared with my grandpa “Gar” during the last days of his life. In honor of Narrative Medicine Monday and this short personal piece, today’s writing prompt will focus on hospice.

Writing Prompt: Have you spent time with someone on hospice or near the end of their life? What do you remember the most? What have you forgotten? If you’re a medical provider, how does caring for someone as a medical professional compare with caring for a loved one at the end of life? If the experience was overwhelming, try focusing on the details: a glance, a thought, a smell, an item, a phrase. Write for 10 minutes. 

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Free Write Friday: Nail

They first notice the water in the basement, standing water, clear and coating the concrete floor in the mechanical room. He feels the south wall, notes it’s damp. A faulty line, a broken pipe, somewhere in the bowels of their remodeled home. 

She wonders, how can they find it, how do they spot the breach? Their children don’t realize: it’s all behind the walls. And she, she forgets too. The wires and pipes that run vertical and parallel, between the studs, through the beams, carrying water, producing heat, enabling electricity to course through the body of the house like a current of nerves and tangle of vessels through flesh.

They do without flowing water, fill jars and growlers and water bottles from the tap before shutting the water completely off. They need to wash hands after the potty, clean the high chair after a messy lunch, ready the vegetables for dinner. They let the dirty dishes pile up in the sink, avoid flushing the toilet. She notices she uses the same plate again and again instead of getting out a new one, she reuses the damp washcloth to wipe down the counter and breakfast nook. She conserves out of necessity.

They do detective work: turn one system on, the other one off, decipher which is faulty. But it’s hard to tell. Both the hydronic heating system and domestic water run through similar pipes. He calls the plumber. It’s Sunday, of course. Two large men arrive at the house, stomp down the stairs, circle the exterior, inspect the siding, rip out the drywall. They trace the damp wall in the basement to pipes that disappear into a large beam. “That’s as far as we can go.” The PEX disappears into the bowels of the house, weaving through the walls, behind painted drywall, behind photos and artwork hung on the walls. Who knows where the fault lies?

Her husband tells her: they used to use copper, but it’s all plastic now. Copper’s too expensive. She remembers, vaguely, when they were building the house, commenting that there was no protection for the plastic pipes, no assurance they wouldn’t be punctured, sitting undefended behind a superficial barrier. Everyone reassured her. She knew nothing about construction, about this sort of thing. 

An infrared camera is borrowed, reveals the heat, the coolness behind the walls: clues to the origin of the drip, of the gushing water. “It’s gotta be here.” They get on their hands and knees, realize the unevenness of the wood floor in the entryway, the bowing of the tigerwood panels. Water damage. They never would’ve noticed had they not pulled out the shoe rack, the coat rack, traced the leak from down below to up above. They keep going, follow the path. Up on the ceiling though, where the pipes crawl down from the master bathroom, there’s no water damage, no discoloration to indicate a leak from higher up. 

He traces back down the entryway wall, confirming. “It’s gotta be here.” He rips out the drywall with his hands; it comes too easily. He pulls out the soaked insulation, traces his fingers up the exposed wall. “Ah!” He exclaims. A nail, a nail placed years ago, half a decade ago, missed the stud. Someone someday with a nail gun moving too quickly. Someone someday installing the pipes, didn’t see, didn’t look for the nail. Someone someday sealed it all up, insulation blown in, drywall enclosing like a layer of skin. The nail’s sharp point remained exposed, right beside four plastic pipes, coursing up, coursing down the wall. 

A few minutes later and he’s figured it out: the hydronic heating system, not the domestic water. They can bathe, they can wash, they can do the laundry and flush the toilet. They can turn on a tap and cool clean drinkable water will flow: a marvel, really. A marvel, too, that stray nail and an unfortunate series of events. It makes her wonder what else lies beneath the exterior, what tiny insignificance of today may resurface years later as a consequence, a surprise, an unexpected disruption.

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