Narrative Medicine Monday: The X-ray Waiting Room in the Hospital

“The X-Ray Waiting Room in the Hospital” by author Randall Jarrell thrusts us into his “big shoes and wrinkled socks,” and one of those “much-laundered smocks” that all the patients wear. Jarrell laments “[t]hese new, plain, mean / Days of pain and care…” and that “routine / Misery has made us into cases.” He describes the “machine” that each smocked patient suffers in, and the reader gets the sense that Jarrell is referring to more than just the mechanics of the x-ray, but also the greater “machine” that is medicine.

Jarrell was an American poet and critic who lived in the mid 20th century but his commentary on the patient’s experience of modern medicine still rings true. Jarrell wants each “nurse and doctor who goes by” to acknowledge him and each patient as an individual, but instead finds that “we are indistinguishable.”

Jarrell concludes that instead of trying to “make friends” with the medical professionals and get them to recognize his individuality, “It is better to lie upon a table, / A dye in my spine.”

Writing Prompt: As a patient, have you ever felt “indistinguishable” from other patients to your medical provider? If you’re a medical professional, do you agree with Jarrell’s assertion that “this routine / Misery has made [patients] into cases?” Can you think of a time when a patient has become merely a case, to you or a colleague? What are the consequences of this, to both the patient and they physician? How can we help doctors and nurses to see patients as individuals again? Write for 10 minutes.

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Narrative Medicine Monday: Brilliance

Poet Mark Doty’s “Brilliance” shows a dying man changing his perspective near the end of life. In Doty’s poem, the man has “attended to everything, / said goodbye to his parents, / paid off his credit card.” He gives away his pets, finds the risk of owning too great, realizes that he “can’t have anything.” When someone suggests he get a bowl of goldfish, he replies “he doesn’t want to start / with anything….” For just a moment, the man allows himself to imagine the goldfish he might like: “hot jewel tones, / gold lacquer.” The fantasy, though, is fleeting because “I can’t love / anything I can’t finish.” Eventually he recants that decision, saying “Yes to the bowl of goldfish. / Meaning: let me go, if I have to, / in brilliance.”

Writing Prompt: Have you ever been at a place in your life when you didn’t want to start with anything new? What prompted that feeling? If you’re a medical provider, think of a time you’ve seen a shifting perspective in patients near the end of life. Write for 10 minutes.

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Narrative Medicine Monday: Reasons for Admission

I opened up a nondescript brown package last week to discover Bellevue Literary Review‘s latest issue, showcasing a beautiful new redesign.

In this 35th issue, Gaetan Sgro’s poem “Reasons for Admission” reveals the complexities surrounding modern day hospitalizations. Sgro notes that often the reasons are contradictory: “Having just gotten insurance. Never having had insurance…. Because you are terrified of dying alone. Because you are terrified of living alone.” Sgro is clearly attune to the many and varied kinds of hospital admissions, including the seemingly non-medical. I like Sgro’s play on words that shows two hospitalization realities: “Because of a broken system. A positive review of systems.”

Writing Prompt: This poem is part of Bellevue Literary Review‘s “Dis/Placement” issue. Why do you think this poem fits this theme? If you work in a hospital, list the reasons, obvious or more subtle, each of your current patients was admitted. Alternatively, think of a patient who has been admitted for one of the reasons Sgro lists in his poem. What was their story? Write for 10 minutes.

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Autumn YAWP

For the second year in a row, I’m attending Centrum’s Autumn YAWP (Your Alternative Writing Program). It’s quickly becoming a favorite retreat as it’s designed just for introverted writers like me. Late morning is an optional gathering for a communal free write, the rest of the day is for your own writing, revision, reading, and exploring.

The setting is serene and includes trails, beaches and modest comfortable accommodations at Fort Worden. Nearby Port Townsend provides plenty of cafes, restaurants and a wonderful bookstore and theater.

I have specific goals for the weekend, including developing a new syllabus for a Literature & Medicine program I’m leading for physicians, working on a book proposal for a new manuscript, and final edits on a poem I plan to submit soon. Grateful for the time and spaciousness of this place to read and write and rest.

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Narrative Medicine Monday: May Cause

Writer Elspeth Jensen highlights the many instructions we are confronted with when taking medications in her Bellevue Literary Review prose poem “May Cause.” Jensen’s poem accelerates throughout and hints at the absurdity of all we are told to do, not to do, of all we are advised to avoid, to look out for: “Use care when operating a vehicle, vessel, boat, until you become familiar with blurred vision, symptoms worsening, fear, or sadness.” Jensen repeats “do not” six times in this short poem. The reader, as the patient, feels the anxiety evoked by the many stipulations of being medicated.

Writing Prompt: Think of the last time you read the instructions given to you with your medication. Perhaps you still have one in your medicine cabinet. Take it out and read it in full. How many times are you told “do not?” Is anything confusing? Humorous? Did you adhere to the instructions? Why or why not? Write for ten minutes.

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Narrative Medicine Monday: What Insomniacs Do in Bed

Donna Steiner lets us know “What Insomniacs Do in Bed” in her poem in The Healing Muse. Steiner touches on those heightened moments in the middle of the night, when the rest of the world seems muted. She admires much, including “the under-valued texture of flannel sheets” and “the capacity of our aging lungs.” She notices the absence of all sorts of things, including “of rain, of drizzle, of shower…” Steiner wonders about “germs and mites and viruses, and whether they multiply right now,” a vivid recognition of what those of us up at ungodly hours imagine.

Over the past two decades I’ve often been awake in the middle of the night, occasionally due to insomnia but more frequently because of medical work or motherhood, nursing my own babe or delivering a new life into the world in the pale hours of almost-morning. Steiner issues a call to accept the gift of repetition, that it is a “form of education.” Perhaps the most significant to the insomniac is the “merciful repetition of daybreak.”

Writing Prompt: Have you suffered from insomnia? Does Steiner’s poem resonate with you? What do you do when you’re up at night and no one else is? If you’ve been up in the middle of the night for another reason (residency, parenting), what did you notice about being awake when the rest of the world is sleeping? Write for 10 minutes.

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Narrative Medicine Monday: Disease’s Gifts

In “Disease’s Gifts,” poet Joy Ladin muses on fear and life and death in the face of illness. Ladin outlines the paradoxes of disease: “That you can be fearless / when fear is all you have” and that “you aren’t alone in loneliness.” This poem is an encouragement, a call to overcome and accept and succeed, even though “fear inverts / the meaning of success.” Ladin’s poem resonates because it offers words of hope while acknowledging the incongruity of illness. Disease can feel like “the end of the world,” and yet, Ladin contends, we all want to believe “you will survive it.”

Writing Prompt: What gifts, if any, have you experienced through illness? What role do you think fear plays in disease? Review Ladin’s list in the second to last stanza; what do you need to live? Write for 10 minutes.

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Narrative Medicine Monday: Preparation

Abigail Lin’s poem “Preparation” in the Journal of the American Medical Association begins with a heartbeat as the focus of a medical student’s studies. She notes “we studied valves as if they were pipes: / what makes them rust, or clog.” There’s a note of bravado as the student starts their journey in medicine: they “marveled… as if we had built it ourselves.”

The humility comes later, realizing the fallacy in believing that “we could learn the architecture of grief / simply by examining blueprints.”

I remember marveling at the intricacies of design in my college introductory biology courses. I had in mind that I wanted to be a physician, but one of my most surprising revelations was learning about botany. I was amazed by the specificity of design in plants, the complex workings of how they grow, receive nourishment from the sun, from the rain; how they give back to the earth.

Lin’s poem is a caution to new medical providers. Much of our learning is in the machinery of the patient, the inner workings of the body. So much more is involved in treating the patient, not merely the disease.

Writing Prompt: If you are a medical provider, recall when you first started studying medicine. Were you naive, as Lin’s poem asserts? Is there something you’ve studied that you’ve marveled at? Did you learn a more nuanced appreciation as you progressed in your career? Recall an instance that contributed to that maturity. Write for 10 minutes.

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Narrative Medicine Monday: Relapse

Poet and nurse practitioner Carolyn Welch captures a summer moment in Intima‘s “Relapse.” Welch’s daughter suffers from mental illness. She begins with an acknowledgment that is familiar to anyone who loves a person with a chronic condition that remits and relapses: “Of course we knew it could happen.”

Welch’s poem is a recognition that life moves forward despite the shadow of such a recurrence threatening to disrupt: “…summer plodded on with heat and harvest– / a steady supply of peppers and tomatoes;” The garden and growth are reliable, predictable, even as Welsh speaks to her daughter who has returned to an undesirable state of illness. Welch, with heartbreak evident, realizes “the meds are off.”

Writing Prompt: Consider a chronic illness that can relapse, often unpredictably: depression, multiple sclerosis, addiction, cancer. How does it feel to be the family member, the physician, the patient for each of these conditions? Write a triptych that includes each of these perspectives. Alternatively, near the end of her poem Welch acknowledges a “nagging failure of want.” Have you felt a similar sentiment as a family member is suffering? Write for 10 minutes.

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Narrative Medicine Monday: The Poetry in Primary Care

Returning from vacation as a primary care physician, as any physician, can be a daunting task. I wrote a flash essay for Pulse about the intense timeline of a typical family physician’s workday. You can imagine after being gone for a week the mountain of forms, test results, and emails that accumulate. Even when you have, as I do (many don’t), supportive partners who do their best to clean out as much of the inbox as possible, there’s a particular dread and pressure that occurs for the primary care physician returning to work. In medicine, everything is connected to a patient. A response delayed, an aberrancy missed, means damage—emotional or physical—to a very real person.

It was on such a day, back to work after a week of camping and s’mores and searching for sand dollars on a Washington coast beach with my family, that I stumbled upon a poem. Our clinic is set up with exam rooms jutting in from corridors that originate like tributaries from the hallways that line the perimeter of the building. Our offices dot the exterior hallway, windows overlooking the parking lot or other buildings in the business complex.

I was walking along this exterior hallway, brisk step between patients, stuffing my stethoscope back into my stiff white coat pocket, when I was struck by a nondescript sheet of paper tacked to the bulletin board just outside our nurses’ office. “Good Bones” caught my eye, made me pause mid-stride. There were patients to examine, lab results to respond to, phone calls to make, radiographs to interpret, but I stopped and turned and read the familiar lines.

I’ve followed poet Maggie Smith’s work for some time. I find poetry alluring and intimidating. I took Michelle Penaloza’s excellent poetry class at Hugo House last fall to overcome my perplexion, but found it would take much more investment to grasp all I wanted about the craft of poetry. Smith’s work is relatable; my contemporary, a mother, an artist, her words resonate and I instantly became a fan.

But to see her here, amidst my other vocation, my medical science workday of Pap smears and skin biopsies and asthma exacerbations, was foreign, a collision of worlds. Though I’ve written about and taught narrative medicine for several years now, though I’m aware of the benefits, to both the physician and patient, of integrating the humanities into the science of medicine, I’ve still found it challenging to be present with such art during the compressive restrictions of my primary care workday. So, Smith’s poem, tacked inconspicuously along a back hallway bulletin board, among graphs of clinic access and Medicare Five Star goals and HEDIS measures and Press Ganey patient satisfaction scores, was a welcome interruption, a surprising reminder, an appropriate intermission interjected into a hectic workday.

I asked around for several days after, attempting to determine who had posted the poem of maintaining hope amidst a broken world. Though I was told it had been up for weeks, maybe months, I never did find the culprit. That same week Glennon Doyle highlighted this very poem on her social media. For me a collision of two women I admire, I’ve never met, whose good works are far from medicine, far from my little corner of primary care amidst the jutting mountains, the emerald waters of the Pacific Northwest. But the lessons, the convictions, the challenge of poetry is relevant, maybe the most relevant to my interactions with patients, my titration of insulin regimens, my diagnoses of cancer, my prescribing of antidepressants, my listening to histories to evaluate an unintentional weight loss or a shortness of breath or an abdominal distention leaving a patient in excruciating pain.

Maybe an antidote to our broken healthcare system, the crux of narrative medicine, a balm for medical professionals suffering from compassion fatigue and secondary trauma and a system that increasingly squeezes the humanity out of of its providers, rests in the complex workings, the simple act of reading poetry. There’s instruction in the words, in the art of the line break, illumination of humanity in the universal themes presented. A reminder that at the heart of medicine we serve people, we are people, we are all in this together. Poetry infuses humanity back into this most human, most intimate of professions. Medicine is a science but it is also an art. For all of our sakes, maybe it’s time to embrace that pairing in an inspired, more hopeful way.

Writing Prompt: How do you talk with children about the difficult aspects of this world? Despite the brokenness observed and felt, do you try to sell your children on the world in the hopes that they would attempt to make it beautiful? Do you see poetry in medicine? Why or why not? Write for 10 minutes.

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