Narrative Medicine Monday: Vicious

Tim Cunningham gives us a glimpse of Abdul, a teenage Rohingya refugee he encounters in a Bangladesh camp, in Intima‘s “Vicious.” Cunningham notes that his “belly was swollen like the rice fields” and “[t]hough described by many as non-literate because he had no official access to school, he could read the Quran with ease. His recitation of its Surahs was exquisite.”

When Cunningham meets Abdul in clinic, his pain is “everywhere,” as if “[h]is genocide had shifted internally, an annihilation of his once-healthy cells.” Abdul had lost his appetite entirely, did not “miss dahl and rice, mangos and bananas, though he knew that he should. ”

Cunningham imagines where he might transfer Abdul, had he the resources: “They would have diagnostics for his hepatomegaly and cachexia. They would have 24-hour staff, teams of nurses and physicians to treat and listen his life-story. The providers would all speak Rohingya. These thoughts were but daydreams. For extraordinary diseases, with extraordinary measures and extraordinary means, there are ways to treat illness.  If you are Rohingya, there is nothing.”

Cunningham’s prose elicits a visceral response to his patient’s physical and emotional trials, but it is Abdul’s word of response to a difficult intravenous stick that give both Cunningham and the reader pause: “Vicious.”

Writing Prompt: If you’re a medical provider, are there certain assumptions you make about a group of patients you see? How did you feel when Abdul repeatedly says “vicious?” What do you think that word might mean to him? What does it mean to you? Have you worked in a resource-poor setting or with a marginalized group of patients before? Recall an encounter with a patient. Write for 10 minutes.

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Free Write Friday: Soccer

Her cleats are neon pink, a black swoop to give them credence. She hustles onto the field, tackling her girlfriends in a playful gesture. They run drills, found on the internet by the volunteer coach. Games to teach them teamwork, footwork, skills for basic play.

We bring our camp chairs, a bag of snacks, two water bottles to quench their thirst. The littles run on the perimeter, beeline to the playground where they can swing and slide and dig in the sand for a temporary distraction.

I see the girls from afar, their ponytails wagging as they scrimmage, green jerseys tangled up in the fray. They take turns kicking into the net, ball shanked to the left, to the right. Their legs scissor across the grass, some controlled, some gangly, some running to the goal with intention, comfortable in their bodies, aware of where thye’re going and who they want to be.

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Narrative Medicine Monday: Preparation

Abigail Lin’s poem “Preparation” in the Journal of the American Medical Association begins with a heartbeat as the focus of a medical student’s studies. She notes “we studied valves as if they were pipes: / what makes them rust, or clog.” There’s a note of bravado as the student starts their journey in medicine: they “marveled… as if we had built it ourselves.”

The humility comes later, realizing the fallacy in believing that “we could learn the architecture of grief / simply by examining blueprints.”

I remember marveling at the intricacies of design in my college introductory biology courses. I had in mind that I wanted to be a physician, but one of my most surprising revelations was learning about botany. I was amazed by the specificity of design in plants, the complex workings of how they grow, receive nourishment from the sun, from the rain; how they give back to the earth.

Lin’s poem is a caution to new medical providers. Much of our learning is in the machinery of the patient, the inner workings of the body. So much more is involved in treating the patient, not merely the disease.

Writing Prompt: If you are a medical provider, recall when you first started studying medicine. Were you naive, as Lin’s poem asserts? Is there something you’ve studied that you’ve marveled at? Did you learn a more nuanced appreciation as you progressed in your career? Recall an instance that contributed to that maturity. Write for 10 minutes.

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Published: Humanity

Paloma Press’ “Humanity,” edited by Eileen Tabios is out! You can read more about it here, including options for purchase. In this anthology “we glimpse an overall picture of strength and fragility, of empathy, and myriad hopes.”

I’m proud my essay, “Dust,” originally published in Intima, is part of this diverse anthology.

Paloma Press is supporting migrant and refugee children through UNICEF here if you’d like to contribute to their important work.

If you’re in the San Francisco area, Paloma Press will be hosting a reading of “Humanity” to benefit UNICEF on 9/22/18 at the San Francisco Library, Glen Park Branch at 2 p.m. There will also be various readings throughout the country hosted by contributors, including Sonoma County, Atlanta, Norfolk and New York City.

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Free Write Friday: Girl Scouts

We met in a Methodist church on a weekday afternoon. Recite the pledge, munch a snack, craft a project. We’d earn badges through field trips, skills, lessons. I was snack helper, clean up helper. We’d rotate through, sit in a circle on the beige carpet. Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and the other gold.

We took our sleeping bags to overnight camp, sang songs around the campfire. Kumbaya. I didn’t like the bugs, the forest air was foreign to my sheltered suburban self. I liked the novelty of it though.

I never was good at selling cookies. My dad retired young, couldn’t take them to work like the others. Too many other Girl Scouts in my neighborhood, we had to ration out the doors to knock on. Most people were nice enough to the awkward girl in the green vest but I wasn’t animated enough to make more than a pity sale. My mom, like me, an introvert and not wanting to be too pushy, didn’t help my failing cause. I wanted to be forward, learn the marketing skills, but I never did muster the ability to sell.

I remember traveling with my troop to the Peace Arch on the northern U.S. border, admiring a stylish girl with long braids and a green beret, souvenir pins stuck to her vest. What travels she’s made, what friends she’s met! I started collecting pins that day, not to trade but to keep: document the family road trip to Disneyland, the annual summers in Hawaii, the study abroad in France, the Mekong Delta, the crowded dusty streets of India and beyond.

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Free Write Friday: Pay Phone

We hardly see them anymore, the free standing booth a novelty. A friend’s son once asked, “Mom, why do they say ‘hang up’ the phone?” Well, this is why: the dangling silver cord like a techy serpent, tethered to a bulky handset.

Now we’re all cordless, no need to connect other than with head down, blue screen filtering. Everything is shiny, posed, captured. No hang ups, strings attached, call waiting. All is instant, polished, curated.

I remember anticipating a call at home, phone ringing in the kitchen, my dad answering hello soon after I picked it up in my basement bedroom. “I GOT IT!” reverberating through the house, high pitched preteen voice anxious for privacy.

I remember fumbling with silver coins at the pay phone, flipping through weathered white pages skimming for the right name, pen scratches and coffee stains marking the tissue-like paper.

I remember a friend’s dad’s car phone, brick handset centered between the front seats of their Chevy Suburban. The wonders of a phone call made from a moving vehicle, away from a stationary box without foundation, without directional bounds. It was fancy, magical, very nearly unheard of. I watched in awe as he answered, mid-errand and corresponded, communicated, then moved on about his day.

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Narrative Medicine Monday: And Still We Believed

Emergency physician Dr. Rebekah Mannix relays the story of her teenage goddaughter who developed vomiting and eventually a dire diagnosis of metastatic cancer in JAMA’s “And Still We Believed.”

Mannix finds herself researching experimental treatments, hoping for a “miracle,” but unable to find any in the medical world: “We did not comprehend that someone so healthy and vibrant…could succumb.” Even after the patient was transferred to comfort measures only, Mannix admits she “still wasn’t ‘there’ yet.” “Even as I knew she would die, I believed she wouldn’t.”

Mannix speaks to the idea that even as physicians, as scientists, we “know better” but still our humanity takes precedence over logic and understanding. There is a lesson here for medical providers. Patients may comprehend what we tell them, but they might not always believe it: “Even as they sit holding the hand of a loved one on a morphine drip–whose organs have shut down, whose words have ceased–they still may not believe death will come.”

Writing Prompt: Have you ever experienced a dire diagnosis for your yourself or a loved one and not believed it? If you’re a physician, how can we best navigate supporting a patient or their family when, despite clear evidence to the contrary, they “still believe.” Write for 10 minutes.

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Home

In so many ways, this is my place, my home. I’ve been traveling to the north shore of Kauai for 40 years and spent my childhood summers there. It’s changed so much in the decades since, but the breathtaking landscape and wonderful locals remain. Thinking of those affected by Hurricane Lane this week. I remember when Hurricane Iniki hit Kauai in 1992. My family and I had been visiting shortly before the devastation of Iniki. Hoping Lane will take its lumbering self and veer far away from the Hawaiian Islands before more destruction occurs.

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Narrative Medicine Monday: Solving for X

Author Pam Durban tries “Solving for X” in her nonfiction piece in Brevity. Durban tells us that she’s “never been good at word problems,” the kind that involve trains and “variables of time, speed, and distance.” At seventy years old, she is now able to “manage the simpler calculations” such as knowing that she “doesn’t need a dental implant that lasts fifty years.” At her current age, though, she finds some of these “word problems of life” are riskier and “always end with an unsolvable X–the date of her death.”

Durban muses on how to manage these unsolvable Xs. She experiences a bout of amnesia in an E.R. and recalls an uneasiness with the concept of eternity, finds her “multiplying Xs” just as unnerving. Durban masterfully gives us a glimpse into the mind of a woman in the last part of her life, but highlights that even nearing the end, the question of time can be perplexing, unsettling and stretch out into the future.

Writing Prompt: Have you calculated, like Durban, your need for a thirty-year roof or if you’ll be around for the next solar eclipse? Can you relate to Durban’s unease with “multiplying Xs?” Why do you think she “sees a way” in the memory of returning to her father’s grave? If you are a medical provider who cares for elderly patients, what can you take from Durban’s essay that might be helpful in how you approach patients who are making decisions about medical care and treatment plans? Write for 10 minutes.

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Free Write Friday: Hula

She always wanted to learn hula, admired hips swinging, grass skirt swaying. Bare brown feet, toes kissing the earth, arms outstretched, calling out a narrative. As a spectator she pieced together a story told long ago, tethered to form and melody.

The girls wear magenta lipstick, long hair swept to the side with a plumeria, a hibiscus, an orchid for adornment. She longed to be made up too, tell a story with her movements, with her hands raised heavenward.

Ballet never appealed to her; such delicacies were not in her constitution. She did like tap dance, clipping the hard floor, reverberating sound. Tap, though, still possessed a harsh edge: a clank of form, of function. Not a gentle sway, like the hula, like this place: fluid, fragrant. Here she relaxes into her bones; the breeze, the rolling waves smooth and synchronous to her heartbeat, to her soul.

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